


It’s An Exendible What!

by LovellLukas



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Hints of Drarry, Humor, M/M, heavy innuendo, lots of laughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 07:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14208525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovellLukas/pseuds/LovellLukas
Summary: Fred has made a new crack-pot invention. Harry wants to borrow it, but why? What will happen when he sneaks it into the Slytherin dorms?





	It’s An Exendible What!

"Fred? What is that?" Ron asks warily.

Fred cackles loudly at Ron's apparent unease.

"It's an extendible penis, Ron," he says as though it's obvious.

Ron pales, "It's an extendible... what?"

Harry howls with laughter and falls down on the floor face-first. Hermione is covering her mouth with her hand, trying to not erupt into a fit of giggles, which is very hard, mind you.

"Why on earth would you need an extendible penis?" Harry gasps from the floor.

Fred gazes at the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment, "I dunno, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Plus, George had me wired on Exploding Coffee Balls... So, yeah."

Harry, who was struggling to stand up, falls down once again from laughing. And this time Hermione has to sit down and bury her face in her hands. Ron shakes his head, trying to dislodge any and all disturbing thoughts that have sneaked their way in.

Harry finally makes it to his feet, panting for dear life and still holding onto his sides. "Hey, Freddie. You have to let me borrow that!" Harry exclaims, holding out his hand to Fred.

"What? Why?" Ron asks, alarmed.

Harry bites his lip hard, he's desperately trying to keep a straight face. "No reason."

Ron gazes at his friend nervously, but he falls silent as Fred passes Harry the new, erm... invention. Harry grins triumphantly and and grabs his Invisibility Cloak before racing out of the common room with penis in hand.

Hermione, who's also trying to suppress a fit of laughter, glances at Ron. "Should we follow him?"

Fred smiles wickedly. "Oh, yes indeed," he says and jumps to his feet.

They run after Harry, followed by a reluctant Ron. They trail Harry down winding passages and corridors. He looks gleefully mischievous all the while, descending stairs to the dungeons, especially as he halts right in front on the Slytherin dorms.

"Oh, this is gonna be good..." Fred whispers to Hermione as they peek around the corner.

Hermione bites her lip and waits. Ron stares, horrified. Fred jitters with anticipation. Harry's unaware of his little stalkers as he activates the penis with his wand and it comes to life in his hand. He hides himself beneath his cloak an knocks on the ominous Slytherin portrait. Nothing happens for a minute, but then shuffling can be heard and the door swings open. Goyle looks outside, only to be knocked out of the way by an invisible Harry barging in. He looks dumfounded, but he's an idiot, so he thinks nothing of it. An shockingly, no one seems to notice the loud clopping of footsteps ascending the stairs. Idiot Slytherins.

Harry traipses up to the boys' dorm and not-so-silently pushes the door open to find a sleeping Draco Malfoy on one of the far beds. He smirks as he extends his newly-aquired penis over to his nemesis. The tip of the penis pokes Malfoy in the face, right on the nose. He merely groans and rolls over. The penis moves to the other side and pokes Malfoy again, this time in the eye. He wakes up, rubbing bleary eyes.

It takes a second, but he soon realises that what he's seeing is indeed a really long, floating penis. He glares at it as it wiggles back and forth in the air as if to say 'hi'. He quirks an eyebrow, but says nothing. Then, without warning, the little appendage snakes over to Malfoy's backside and tries to delve beneath pressed black slacks. Malfoy jumps and swats at the penis, but that doesn't help. The offending member just continues with it's efforts to sneak down his pants.

"Get away!" Malfoy shouts.

It's a persistent little bugger and there's no stopping it. Malfoy runs down the stairs into the common room. Harry gives chase, and pokes Malfoy a few times with his really long penis. Malfoy screams, running around the common room in a big circle. All the other Slytherins laugh their arses off.

"This is not funny!" He shrieks and bolts for the portrait hole.

Ron, Fred, and Hermione haven't moved from their spots out in the corridor, waiting for something exciting to happen. And they aren't disappointed. The door swings open and they see a frantic Malfoy bolting down the halls with invisible Harry close behind.

"Help! I'm being chased by a penis!" He screams just as he passes Snape.

Ron pales as Fred and Hermione burst out laughing so hard they can't hardly breathe. Needless to say, Snape looks highly disturbed. He wants to shout at Draco for running recklessly in the halls, but he's utterly speechless as he stares after his favorite student and the mysterious floating penis. He just knows this is somehow all Potter's fault.

 

~Fin~


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